Bengals Brawl I (The Main Event)

As promised, an entire post devoted to the main event....

Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship Title Match
Champion Chad The Champ Johnson v. Challenger Golden Boy Carson Palmer (w/special guest referee Marvelous Marvin Lewis)
Special Qualification: End Zone Celebration Match (inside the Cage of Killing Team Chemistry)

Recap: For a much hyped main event, this one got off to a slow start. The ominous steel contraption was lowered over the North end zone of PBS. The two combatants entered (The Champ having to take a few moments while he took off his HOF 20?? coat and handed it to the Ben-Gal cheerleader he had proposed to last season), and were locked in by special referee Marvelous Marvin.

The bell rang, but it seemed that in that moment the gravity of the situation hit both fighters. This wasn't just for the World Championship belt, it was for the leadership of the Bengals team.

Both men spent the early moments feeling each other out--not wanting to try an early high-risk maneuver that could backfire and put them in an early hole.

Finally they hooked-up and the action got going. The two men locked hands in a test of strength. Golden Boy quickly brought The Champ to his knees. But Champ fought back and as he got back to his feet, used an illegal kick to Golden Boy's "man region" to break the hold and gain the advantage.

Champ used a few more well-placed stomps to keep Golden Boy on the canvas. Then picked up Golden Boy and used the cold-hard steel of the cage as a cheese grater on Golden Boy's face.

As Golden Boy laid bleeding on the mat, The Champ made his first attempt to put away the match.

Due to the recent losing streak of the Bengals however, The Champ was rusty on his end zone celebrations. His first attempt was quite pathetic. We here at BWE (Bengals Wrestling Entertainment) still aren't sure what he was doing. We think it involved some sort of ode to Tiger Woods, using a corner pylon.

The Champ was booed fanatically. Marvelous Marvin gave Chad 0 points for the terrible effort. Needing 3 end zone celebration points to have Marvelous Marvin unlock the cage, and allow the winner to walk out, The Champ was furious at a 0.

While The Champ was stomping around the ring, arguing with Marvelous Marvin, Golden Boy took the opening to gain an upper hand.

He grabbed The Champ from behind an repaid him for the earlier groin kick with one of his own. While The Champ was on his knees, Golden Boy went to the top rope and landed his patented Touchdown Bomb Elbow move.

Golden Boy then tried to finish the match with an end zone celebration of his own.

Seeing as Golden Boy almost always throws the ball to others in the end zone, he had never really been there himself. He suddenly realized he didn't have a end zone celebration. He tried making one up on the spot.

He attempt a running chest bump. But seeing as there were no other teammates to bump with, he just ended up bouncing harmlessly off the cage.

He then had the idea to do the classic QB football flip to the ref (a certain 3 pts. from a low-key guy like Marvelous Marvin). However, he couldn't find a football.

While he scrambled desperately for a ball, a recovered Champ struck. As Golden Boy crawled on his hands and knees searching for a ball, Champ hit him with the Satirical Lambeau Leap Cross Body move (like the one he employed in Week 2 against the Dawg Pound fans in Cleveland), leaving Golden Boy lying helplessly on the mat.

Champ immediately jumped up and went for his second attempt to end the match: The Riverdance Celebration.

But before Marvelous Marvin could raise the 3 pt. card and begin unlocking the cage, Kelly The Killer Washington (who had been sitting in the front row seeing as he's always inactive in New England and had time to kill), jumped over the guard rail and knocked out Marvelous Marvin with a cheap shot from behind. He grabbed the keys to the cage and entered looking for a piece of The Champ.

Never one to back down from a challenge, The Champ was happy to divert his attention from Golden Boy. Before he could get his hands on Killer however, Washington threw a handful of sand into Champ's face. Killer then went to the center of the end zone and began showing the audience what he called the only "true" end zone celebration dance: The Squirrel.

The fans became irate, a recovered Marvelous Marvin stood there laughing nervously in a moment where he shouldn't be laughing at all (a patented Marvelous Marvin trait), and Golden Boy stood at one end and watched while all the madness surrounded him.

Getting all the sand out of his eyes, The Champ attacked Killer from behind. He nailed Killer with the All-Out Leaping Head-Butt, then began the Riverdance celebration right on Killer's head.

While all this was going on, Golden Boy realized that the door to the cage was open. He quietly slipped through it, then raised his hands in victory. But Golden Boy had not gained the 3 pts. for end zone celebrations required to be let out of the cage of chemistry killing.

The Champ, finishing his Riverdance beating of Washington, took notice at that point, and began his complaints.

Marvelous Marvin looked around helplessly, providing no real explanation, and continuing to laugh nervously in inappropriate moments.

Bengals Brawl I ended with all three men staring intently at each other. The match was declared a draw, and the belt, along with the leadership of the team, was put in limbo, leaving all of Bengal Nation to wonder:

Who really is the leader of the team?